Making Things Simpler Is So Complcated

I have a new toy!  Its called a WACOM.  Why Wacom?  I have no idea, but it is one of the coolest new computer tools.  Well, let's just say it's new to me.  Finally, when I am designing new patterns,  I don't have to draw with a clumsy mouse or, as I called it,  "The Brick".   Over the years I have been somewhat animated (surprise!)  in expressing my feelings to my husband  about the difficultly of using The Brick to draw.  But he was listening and helped me to select the Wacom Cintiq and now I can draw with a pen on a computer tablet.   This is SO sweet.

But we do have a new problem and that is me learning all the new software that came with it.  I don't care what they say out in the computer world, but these people that are supposed to be teaching us how to use computer stuff do not speak English.  I  have now watched dozens of tutorials to come to the sad conclusion that I am still missing something.   But no,  it's just the way they speak.  Their language sounds like English but I have never heard those words before.  I can't even find them in the dictionary, not to mention the shortcuts like cntl-click and alt-shift.  WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT!

 The computer world is in their own world.  They have truly forgot that they are selling there products to people like ME!  So speak to me. Now I have to buy another book on the secret code of how to speak Nerd. Thank God my son is a linguist.

Do you how to zip and unzip a file?  Trust me, it is not anything like zipping up your skirt.  Do you have any ideas how to defrag your computer?  Or even what a frag is?  Do you know what VGA and DVI cables are?
I didn't think so.

The first tutorial I watched was this fast talking guy who speaks so fast you can't even write it down. I had to watch it 3 times to get what he was saying, which was nothing.  The reviews on his presentation mirrored my feelings exactly.  Of course he took offense and defended his delivery.  Then their was the "Earring Guy," as I like to call him, who is way to old for wearing earrings.   His tutorial gave me the impression he was saying, Hurry up and learn this, you are wasting my time.  I have a pilates class in an hour.  I am sure he has to go interface with his peeps who also wear earrings.

Next on my list is this pleasant female voice.   Maybe I can relate to women better than the guys.  NO,  she is also from this strange world. She kept asking about opening a practice file and nobody could find the practice files.  This was in Photoshop and every one was still looking for the practice file when I gave up.  She was also in a hurry and had to run to meet someone and interface after she picks up the kids form day care who all know also speak the techno lingo at their preschool in the Silicon Valley.

 Isn't there any one who speaks computer to the regular people like an  artist/mom/dyslexic?  Help!!!

Then the door blows opens with a bang.  A gust of wind blows leaves into the hallway with a whoosh.
Behind the sunlit shadows, is the outline of a MAN.  He is wearing flip flops and shorts that show off his great tan legs.  He approach the computer slowly.   He motions for my chair.  I jump up quickly, tossing my foo-foo pillow aside.  He asks for a cool drink.  It's early in the morning, so I fix him a cooling iced coffee.
I can tell this is going to be a HOT day.  The lone stranger starts to work his magic.  I here the click, click, clicking of the key board.  Its been about 15 minutes and then I hear him say I fixed  it!  My heart skips a beat.  Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What has he done?  No one knows.  But he spoke in a patient, soft voice, speaking clear English.
He showed this artist how to work her new toy.  As he stood next to me I felt my heart beat fast and my face get hot.  I quickly ask him to stay for dinner.  But, no.  He has others to save.  He drives way from my house on his trusty stead, The HOT HATCH, to his real job.  I know my computer world has been set straight.
At least for for today.  Tomorrow, who knows?