It’s been a crazy week here in EDH town. It started out with hunting down the perfect dress for my son’s wedding in June. You know, that something special dress that makes you look 20 pounds thinner and 20 years younger. Why is it, when you were young and hot, you had no money or man or events to go to but now, with age, we have the means but, unfortunately, a body that we are sometimes not thrilled about sharing with the public?
Finding the right dress has been daunting. So I sat down one day and combed the Nordstrom and Macy’s web sites for any dress that I thought would work with my special needs: (1) can’t show the upper arms, (2) not too much of the girls spilling out and about, and (3) it can’t, in any way, make me look like my grandmother who, just happens to be dead.
So the dresses started to arrive, 5 from Nordstrom and 4 from Macy’s. It was time to try them on but I needed to get rid of my husband first, who now works from home. This working from home is cramping my beauty regimen. His office is off the master bedroom and bath and closet with the good mirrors. I wasn’t up for a fashion show but the funny thing was that HE was. Great! I guess if you just jacked up a $1,000 credit card bill the least you can do is toss the man a bone.
But I would need some help so it was time to dig deep in my underwear drawer. You know, down at the very bottom where you keep those thong panties for that special evening once a year. And there she was, my heavy-duty full-body Spanx, a girl’s best friend. So I hid in my closet and started to tug and pull my Spanx up over my curvy hips and the big girls. I hear Joe say, Don’t let me see you until you are completely in the dress. Great! He knows. He must have heard me whimpering as I was battling with the spandex.
So the fashion show begins and, to my surprise, I have lost some weight and I did find one really cute dress in the bunch. A lot of them made me lose faith in fashion designers but what’s new? Joe even said I looked hot. Wow, I should stop hiding his glasses. Then he made the comment that you should get some stilettos for that. I think he thought I was wearing the thongs panties under the dress. I had to remind him that it was not that time of year yet.
So I have a dress. What a relief. I packed all the rejects up and to the UPS store we went. Now back to work on things the really matter like, oh yeah, that new flower quilt I am designing for my Australia trip. That story will have to be for another day, because, right now, it’s all about the dress.