Saturday, August 13, 2016 more ways than one.

This has nothing to do with quilting but everything to do with being a woman who quilts.
I have been finishing up some of my beach quilts and getting them ready for upcoming shows but today I had to stop and take care of the dreaded task of dyeing my hair. Yes, I dye and cut my own hair. I can’t seem to keep a regular appointment with a stylist since I'm on the road so much.  So today was dye day.

I like it when my husband is not home for this activity, but today, and now most every day, he is home.  I think he is tired of looking at me with the same ponytail I have been sporting to hide the telltale signs that, yes, I have gray hair. I have found that if I twist my hair just the right way I can cover up one graying spot and it looks OK for a few more days.

So I told him just stay downstairs until I am done. He said OK, because he doesn’t want to see me with dye in my hair anymore than I want to show him.  So the process begins by laying out the tools, covering up the counter and putting on my gloves.  Now the dye is in and I ask Joe to set the timer for 25 minutes. While my hair is curing I go into the studio and work a little more on my beach quilt.  I can feel that it’s going to be a hot day today and go to turn on the air conditioning and then hear Joe saying Really? Do you have to turn that on now?  YES, I scream back, as I feel something dripping down my face. Of course, the dye is melting on my head this hot day (but it's a dry heat - or so I've been told since we moved here in 1996).

The timer rings, he calls out Time's up!  and I go to take a shower, knowing I will come out looking hot and young again for my cute stud muffin.  Well, maybe.  I precede to get dressed and think about wearing something cute but first, let's try on my new undergarment I got from Spanx yesterday.  Yes, that will make me feel sexy. The new underwear goes on first and I feel that it may be a little tight but they go on and are a cute peachy pink color which makes me happy except for the top of the undies, which  keep rolling down under my mommy bump.  Which is really is a big fat roll.  I pull them up, they roll down, I pull them up and hold my breath and the minute I breathe, they roll back down. Well, this is not good.  Off they go and back to the good old reliable Fruit of the Looms.  Now for the new sports bra.  This can’t be as bad, and it’s in a cute color, too.  I give it a good stretch and pull it over my head, where it gets stuck on the wet towel that my hair is wrapped in.  Oh, no.  Spanx and water is never a good combo.  I stretch it a little more to get it down over the girls and it snaps back into my face.  I try and reach up to put it down again and it gets stuck in a tight roll at the base of the back of my neck.  I can’t reach it.  It’s too high.  I twist and turn to try and grab it and it's just STUCK.  Stuck on my wet, hot body!   I can’t get it on or off!   A panic flashes across my mind. What if there’s a fire?  I would be trapped like this.  I can see the headline, Famous Quilter Found Topless with what Looks Like a Wet Pink Rubber Band around her Neck.  I do not want that to be my legacy.

I can’t get this alleged bra down, so I have to do the unthinkable, and call to Joe for help.  I tried to cover my body with a small towel but it’s no help.  I saw my refection, that I was trying to avoid,  in the mirror.  Oh, God!  I was just standing there when he enters the room and says,”Now what have you gotten yourself into?  Help, I say, I'm trapped in my new bra!  He shakes his head and rolls the bra down over my back fat and then,  just for fun, he gives it a big snap into place and suggests that maybe I need to get a bigger one.  I tell him it's my size, it’s just a Spanx.  Yes, Spanx, he says, I remember cutting you out of that after your son's wedding.  Yes, I said.  He leaves without further comment.

So today I have a new bra on that I may not be able to get off without help but maybe I can work that to my advantage later tonight.  Hope you have a great weekend!

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